Why did I decide to become a Schoenstatt Sister of Mary?
I think that our whole life is a conversation with God. He asks a question, I answer. First he speaks, then I, and so on. Thus, we continue, and I know what I should answer. He sets us free and we find inner happiness to live with him.
When I said my yes to God to consecrated life, the next question was: Where? This was a difficult question for me initially. The first time that I questioned whether I had a vocation was during my studies. I had moved to a big city for this purpose. Fortunately, Schoenstatt and a Shrine were there. At this time, I lived in a home for students that belonged to a religious community. I learned about their spirituality, and many things and customs were similar to those in Schoenstatt. I felt at home there. Of course, I had our MTA in the Shrine and I belonged to the Schoenstatt youth family.
Give up Schoenstatt?
But my question was: Why did the question about my vocation come up when I came to know this community and not before? Did this means that, perhaps, I had to give up Schoenstatt, my home? Father Joseph Kentenich said that before making decisions we should pray much and let our thoughts become peaceful …
It was difficult to imagine my life without Schoenstatt, but I wanted to fulfill God’s will. Therefore, interiorly I readied myself to renounce Schoenstatt although that was difficult for me. But at the same time, the question arose: Child, what if God asked you to offer up this second home (this community) because he wanted something completely different for you? Are you ready to do his will? I had experienced that God cares about us and that his plans are always the best. Once again, trusting and in complete freedom, I prepared myself interiorly to be led by him. All this happened within me, but now I needed to do something outwardly.
I talked to a priest and he accompanied me on my spiritual path (God speaks also through people). He showed me a couple of communities. I wanted to be open and to give God the opportunity to show me where he wanted me. After some time, the priest said: You already know different communities, different charisms. I think you can now peacefully and freely choose the way God is calling you …
Then came the question: where is my heart freer?
And the answer was not only clear, but actually proven. I could freely and peacefully choose Schoenstatt–certain that it was God’s will. I learned that the first step of a decision is to renounce my own wish (But God speaks through our wishes), to be open for God’s will, and to comply with it. And then pray much. After you make the right decision, your heart will be filled with peace and joy.